The woman Allah wants you to be

How much time do we spend preparing to be the woman Allah wants us to be?

Assalamualaikum,

I’m Umm X.

Welcome to my first newsletter.

Nope.

This won’t be just another mundane letter about motherhood and its tests and trials.

And it’s not a letter filled with advice or motivation to become a better mother (though, trust me, that's important).

Instead, the focus here is on YOU as an individual.

The person Allah expects you to be before you become the mother He wants you to be.

Let’s start with a shift in perspective:

Who are you as an individual first? And how does that shape you as a mother?

If you’re unmarried and wish to learn practical ways to level up as a woman through the lens of Islam..

You’re in the right place.

You’re doing the best thing before you’re given the biggest responsibility you’ll ever have— raising righteous humans.

If you’re not aligned as a human, as a woman—as a servant of Allah—then all your other relationships, including the one with your children, will naturally falter.

I’ve experienced this myself. 

And that’s why I’m here to remind you:

The fastest way to success is to prioritize the commands of the One who gave you life—the One who blessed you with everything you have.

My Story: Finding purpose in Awareness

I spent so much time trying to be a “good mother.”

I forgot Allah asked us to be a righteous woman first.

You see, I had one big problem. 

My Islam needed watering. 

My faith was crumbling. 

I tried to do the minimum but often missed prayers. 

The exhaustion put me in survival mode. 

I hated being needed all the time. 

I craved quiet mornings and relaxed evenings.

But my life was no longer my own. 

The noise, the mess, the chaos, it became a daily battle. 

I was overwhelmed, overstimulated, and honestly, a little bitter. 

My body wasn’t used to this non-stop action. 

It felt like time had stopped for me, while the world kept moving. 

And here’s the truth no one says out loud:
Most of us enter motherhood spiritually unprepared.

We hope to be a good mother, we hope to do things right, we want to raise righteous children, but we forget to raise ourselves first.

We focus on achievement. Not effort.

We focus on hope without preparing.

You see, the world runs on fragile hope.

Hope in grades, careers, relationships, outcomes.
And when those collapse—so do you.

But Islam teaches a different kind of hope.

The kind that survives the dark.

In the belly of the whale, Yunus عليه السلام found hope.

In the bottom of the well, Yusuf عليه السلام was given hope.

At the sea, when there was no hope for escape, Musa عليه السلام put his trust in Allah: “My Lord is with me.”

Under the palm tree, Maryam عليها السلام was told: “Do not grieve.”

Because hope in Islam isn’t wishful thinking.
It’s certainty in the One who controls every outcome.

And that’s why hope isn’t optional in Islam.
It’s survival.
It’s worship.
It’s what keeps you standing when the world has already written you off.

A mother without connection to Allah can’t pass down the Islam she doesn’t have.

I wanted to raise righteous children.
But I barely knew how to stand righteous before Allah myself.

That realization broke me.
And it remade me.

I stopped waiting for ease.
I stopped waiting for the “right time.”

I started planting seeds every single day.
One salah at a time. Surah by surah.
Setting examples.

Allah says in the Quran: 

وَأْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَاصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْهَا ۖ لَا نَسْأَلُكَ رِزْقًا ۖ نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُكَ ۗ وَالْعَاقِبَةُ لِلتَّقْوَى
(“And enjoin prayer upon your family, and be steadfast therein. We do not ask you for provision; We provide for you. And the [best] outcome is for righteousness.”) — Surah Taha (20:132)

You were never asked to feed your family.
You were asked to lead them in prayer.
Provision is in Allah’s hands.
Righteousness is in yours.

I built an environment at home that could sustain me— and my children,
through repetition, routine, relentless consistency.
Not always fueled by energy,
but by awareness and taking small steps.

I went all in.
 
Quran. Academics. Extracurriculars. Life skills.

Because motherhood is not a pause on your life.
It is your life.
It is the test.
The training ground.

It’s the amanah that forces you to confront yourself—
to either break or bow.

And besides your children, the other ultimate blessing is —a righteous spouse.

He can either be all positive energy or the source of your misery.
The person who’ll either pull you to do good or take you away from it. 

The companion who’ll remind you to pray, reminding you of your Creator in small but profound ways daily. 

A lifelong friend who acts like a team member, who picks up where you left off and vice versa. 

The Prophet صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said “each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.”

A father’s duty doesn’t end at provision, just as a mother’s role isn’t confined to cooking, cleaning and feeding. 

What you prioritize becomes your direction. Your reality.
And the most beautiful part? Your children. 

They can be your sadaqah jariyah or your biggest test in the grave. 

The choice is yours.

I wasn’t used to putting myself first. 

But I’ve realized that balance isn’t just about doing it all. 

It’s about prioritizing what’s most important to you— for Allah first, then everyone else. 

I finally found purpose when I became aware of my internal values— values that Allah had already planted in our fitrah. 

What Can You Do?

Pay attention to your daily routine. 

Is there something that you do that sets the tone for the day?

Or do you wake up to full chaos? 

No, seriously. 

To overcome a stalemate, observe your daily pattern. 

If it doesn’t allow you progress or growth as an individual, how can you possibly set your children (or future children) up for success?

A pattern I noticed with many mothers and (women in general) is they simply distract themselves with temporary gratification:

Procrastinating on tasks that are easy to tackle.

Endless scrolling on their phone—social media, messages, and apps that don’t really serve a purpose.

Binge-watching Netflix when the kids are asleep.

Attending playdates that don’t add value.

Too many social gatherings that drain their energy.

Spending hundreds of dollars on external adornments.

Overcommitting to events and activities out of obligation.

Do you ever stop and ask—
what do these dunya chases really build for my akhirah?

Because the moment you shift your lens,
your life begins to shift with it.

Saying “no” will become liberating.

Creating boundaries will become like a shield for your nafs.

Chasing the dunya will become less thrilling and more weightless.

That’s when you’ll drop mediocrity and embrace excellence.

Ask yourself this:
When was the last time you read or memorized the Quran?

When did you last leave your task to go pray first?

If asked, what would the people who you live with say, you prioritize most?

Remember, once you’re a mother whatever you give value to, your children will too.

They internalize what they hear from you. 

They watch your tone and see your expressions. 

They see what you do and what you prioritize. 

Understand whatever change you make, it’s not for them, it’s for you first. 

If you haven’t figured out a routine you should follow, society will choose one for you.

4 steps you can take to live a God-Conscious life:

Step One:
Set a Structured Routine – Your routine should be intentional, detailed, and realistic. 

Write it down. 

Make it specific. 

Make it a commitment to Allah. 

This is your roadmap to consistency and growth.

Step Two:
Obsess Over Your Daily Progress – Commit to it every day. 

Focus on small but consistent actions. 

For me, it’s a 20-minute daily dhikr walk and memorizing at least one ayah of the Quran.
 
You can do this too—for yourself, and for your children. 

Daily steps add up.

It’s the key to steady progress.

Besides, a walk in nature allows healing and contemplation of Allah’s creations (a subject I often talk about with my own children).

Step Three:
Mindful Reflection – Once a week reflect on your actions and intentions. 

Are you aligning with your purpose as a servant of Allah? 
Evaluate what’s working, what’s not, and make adjustments. 

Reflections keep you humble and reminds you of your ultimate goal—pleasing Allah.

Step Four:
Create Accountability – Drop anything unnecessary if there’s a pullback in your growth. 

Your progress is more important than the invitation or playdate you turn down. 

Find a friend who could hold you accountable in your journey. 

Understand that it is both an honor and a duty to be a servant of Allah first, before we are entrusted with any other titles, roles or responsibilities toward those in our care.

I truly hope sharing this letter allows you to re-evaluate your self worth.

You were made for excellence. Strive for it.  

I’m actually quite excited to start this journey with you.

Do you have a routine you follow?

What did you think about my first newsletter? 

I’m curious to know. 

I’d love to hear about your thoughts, so feel free to reply back with your experiences!


اللَّهُمَّ ثَبِّتْنَا (May Allah keep us anchored)

with hope always,
-Umm X

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